Co-dependency – The Cycle

I remember a workshop years ago – three words stuck: co-dependent, independent, interdependent. Those three set the scene for what I want to say here.

Sounds like enmeshment right there! Do I really want to know? Truth is, many people won't read a book, see a counsellor, or go to a workshop. Why? Because they know damn well they’ll hear the truth – and truth demands change. Some aren’t ready. Some are too afraid. For many the uncomfortable familiar feels safer than stepping out.

I was loaned a copy of the book, The Secret, I needed it but didn’t want to read it. I had it on my bedside table and got tired of looking at it so I tucked it under my bed! But one night, I felt compelled to read it. I couldn’t stop – I read over seventy pages that night. It changed everything.

Knowledge is power. And power is freedom! Yahhhh!

THE CYCLE

When talking addictions, we talk about cycles – patterns, loops, predictability. They go round and round, repeating themselves. Madness. Insanity. That old line: doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Crazy, right.

Here’s the thing: riding a biCYCLE is different. You can go anywhere – turn left, right, stop, crash, or ride free. A cycle doesn’t have to trap you in circles. You can steer.

THE HIT (and its impact)
Here’s the raw pain, the compounding ripple effect:

• Partner’s gambling → health, kids, relationship, finances all hit.

• Co-dependency → keeps the cycle moving (reacting, rescuing, hoping).

• Abuse → many faces, many masks. Each one hurts, and it hurts hard.

Name it → Shame it → Declare it!
Shine a light on it. Call it out. Cut through it. Deep down, you already know. The cost of doing something feels bigger than the abuse itself – but that’s the lie of distorted thinking.

• Addiction: → chaos → rescue → relief → repeat!

• Financial abuse: → emotional drain, pain, and enormous strain.

• The cost: → self-worth → stability → peace of mind.

See it for what it is, not what you think it is.

Cut Through the BS
Recognising co-dependency isn’t weakness – it’s a survival response that becomes a trap. And you know that you're in it.

• Name the cycle, see it clearly → reclaim your power.

• The relationship, the gambling, the aggression – whatever your codependent reality is – it’s a danger zone. Red lights flashing. Warning signs long gone. Time to make your call.

• Your body, your mind, your true self are calling you to take a stand.

Write your own declaration: “My power is mine. I've always had it. It is in me and I take it back now.”

Know, See, and Speak Your Truth
Knowledge is your power. Do with it what you will. You can wield that sword this way or that.

• Co-dependant no more: “That’s my choice.”

• Independent: “I need me before I need anyone else.”

• Interdependent: “I am worthy of a healthy, mutual relationship where I can be me, and they can be them.”

Find your truth → see it → speak it → own it → do it. Yahhhh!!

Clarity → Confidence → Courage
Answer these honestly:

• Am I carrying what's mine or someone else’s?

• What's the cost if this cycle keeps going?

• Where am I losing myself? Why?

• What boundary can I put in place?

• What are my options?

With clarity comes confidence. With confidence, courage. And courage moves mountains – of addiction, abuse, unhealthy cycles. You can step out, steer another way. Yes, you can. Yes, you will.

My Anchor (and my strength)
Your anchor is whatever keeps you safe, protected, grounded. It reminds you: I am okay. My worth is mine. Not tied to their chaos.

Another person’s pain is theirs. Let them own it. You own yours.

The Way Forward
You're not alone. You have options: friends, family, doctor, counsellor. When you decide, change follows. You can steer your cycle wherever you want.

It’s not a quick ride – it takes time. But you can pause, rest, breathe. You're the one steering

Remember this: you've always had it in you. It is who you are. No one can take that from you.